he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
