i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
