Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize