i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Still dying that you shit outside
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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