im holly from the hills drunk
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
