I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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