Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize