I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
