The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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