two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
