I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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