ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
