I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize