It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
