I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
