I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
