margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
