I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I want to have your abortion
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
