Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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