Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
