i don't like sucking hair
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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