sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
