Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
