I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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