im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
