This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
