everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
