No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
