Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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