If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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