It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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