I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
