I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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