remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
