this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize
