I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you traded sex for a burrito?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
