he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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