I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
