you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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