It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
