I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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