Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
