plz talk dirty to me
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize