my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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