I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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