youre lurking in front of me
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
As shirtless as possible
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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