If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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