the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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