I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Let's get the cat blown out
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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