is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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