Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
