his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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