There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
