Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize