Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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