Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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