i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he fucked my hip out of place.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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