Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
