The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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