Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize