My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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