New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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