I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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