even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
