i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
