My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
