Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She's the barista slut.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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