I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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