Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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