Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I smell like Dick and happiness
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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