Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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