I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
