I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
