I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
