i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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