Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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