Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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