So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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