other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
