i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
