Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My ass is underappreciated
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
