Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
