Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
please come you make the beer taste better
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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