Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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