I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm jealous of your bromance
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
