Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
