hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
